desolate
by thefallfiles
Summary: "I'm mad at you." She blurts out, her eyes going wide at the words that come out of her own mouth. Castle has a similar expression to her as soon as the words escape the cavern of her mouth, but he wasn't going anywhere. He was still here.


Early season 7, Pre-episode 3. Over the next few days - in between cases, Kate continues to sleep in the break room.

**an: it's almost midnight, I have no auto-correct &amp; it's late. All errors are my own.**

* * *

The air on the homicide floor was tense, quiet. It was late.

Almost dawn.

Kate felt a sharp sting along her lower back, her body bowing from the sudden pain inflicted upon her. Lying along her side, she moved her hand across her back and underneath the fabric of her blouse to press soothing circles against the vertebrae of her spine._ Freakin' springs._

The denim of her jeans snagged in between the two worn cushions, with a grunt Kate gripped the arm of the couch with one hand, fingernails digging into the arm of the chair as she groggily pushed herself up with her other hand. Her caramel locks falling into her eyes, kinking and spiking at at different angles from a few hours of restless sleep.

A strong waft drifted through the air, a rich aroma pulling her out of her sleepy state and wrapping around her- Oh _oh_ it was arms wrapping loosely around her. Kate only had to lean back slightly and smell the familiar cologne mixed with...was that mint chocolate? - to know who's arms she was nestled in. Kate turned her head further into the warmth that his body shared, nose gently grazing his neck softly as she breathed him in.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked quietly, as though afraid of startling her.

Kate huffed out a soft sigh, one of her hands reaching out and gently resting on his thigh as she leaned back against him, finding the beat of his heart soothing. Castle moved his right hand closer to her; pressing the warm styrofoam against her arm gently. "I got you coffee..." he said, as though it were a peace offering.

Smiling into his arm, she raked her fingers along his thigh before squeezing it as a thank you. Moving forward and scooting further down the couch, Kate patted the space beside her; then leaned over her knees, a few loose strands sliding from behind the safety of her shoulder and falling into her face as she tried to stifle a yawn.

Castle slid down the arm of the chair and attempted to muffle a yelp as something dug into his ass; spilling half of his own scalding coffee down the front of his pants. Kate turned to look in the direction of an unmanly squeak, her right eyebrow cocking up in amusement.

"You right there, babe?"

Kate reached for her own coffee which was still firmly secured in the grasp of his hand. Her eyes flickering down at the small wet patch on his jeans and back up to his eyes, laughter shimmering in the shallow pools of green surrounded by dark chocolate. Castle pouted, placing his own cup onto the coffee table in front of him before standing and walking over to the precincts coffee machine, spotting a random tea towel near the sink and beginning to dab at his pants.

Kate was watching him; a small smile now resting on her lips as her fiance tried to fix the wet patch - not even the good kind - on his jeans. She had missed this, missed him, and the small moments like these always reminded her of the thousands of small moments that she had missed when he was away.

_Missing...apparently._

He had missed her awkward family reunion, Martha's recent Broadway production, Alexis and Kate's famous "bake-off" - both what they had made were disasters anyway, because neither of them could cook and Kate had ended up in tears near the end of it. Because all she could think about was that Castle would of gotten them to laugh, teased them both, it was just...not the same. Among a thousand other countless little things. He missed them all.

"Beckett?..."

His voice brought her out of her thoughts, tears sliding warmly down her cheeks and underneath her chin. Clearing her throat, Kate ignored the tears blurring her vision, stubborn as ever.

"I'm just over-tired."

"You are always over-tired-"He started.

"Castle don't..."She warned.

"Kate."

At the sound of her first name, the words coming out of her mouth stopped and her eyes met with his; red-rimmed and wide. She just deflates.

_He knows. _

The cerulean blue of his eyes calms her, love pouring out of them. It hurts.

"I'm mad at you." She blurts out, her eyes going wide at the words that come out of her own mouth.

Castle has a similar expression to her as soon as the words escape the cavern of her mouth, but he wasn't going anywhere. He was still here._ He knows me._

Taking a few steps forward in an attempt to close the distance between them, the space in the room choking him- choking them. Attempting to sever their connection. Placing the tea towel on the coffee table in front of her, his face scrunched up from the now cold rub from the sticky-wet fabric of his pants against his upper thigh.

"Look at me, Kate." He was now kneeled in front of her, his brow wrinkled.

He didn't know what to do with his hands...put them on the edge of the couch? Comfort her?

Kate shook her head, refusing to meet his eyes once more. _I don't think I can tell him. He'll think I'm crazy._

"You will think I'm crazy..." She whispered, more tears collecting hotly along the corners of her eyes.

Her chest felt tight and her eyes burned, her body threatening to betray her. Castle wrapped his fingers gently around her ankle and pressed a soft pattern with his thumb, her shoes - he temporarily thought - much be somewhere in the room.

"Look at me." He repeated, more firmly this time.

Releasing a long held in exhale, her eyelids sliding open again once more but she refused to look into his eyes. Instead, she focused at an invisible spot on his chin. The tears along her cheeks now invisible tracks.

"I love you, okay? I love you." He said the words slowly, clearly. "Also, don't you think if either one of us was prone to insanity it would be me?" He joked.

Kate gave a watery laugh, looking up at him._ This man. How does he do it..._

A brief pause, she picked at the styrofoam edge with her index finger. Castle continued to watch her closely, worry lines creasing his forehead deeply.

"I used to see you..." She took a deep breath in, her voice shaky.

"I used to see you when you weren't here." She finished, biting her lip to stop herself from saying anything more.


End file.
